Down for the Count

I had my tonsils removed last Thursday. For the past week, the most exciting thing I've done is move from the couch to the bed. This has been the most miserable week of my life by far. Today marks day eight and truthfully it's the first time I've felt half-way human since the surgery. Don't get me wrong, I still feel like an evil gnome took a garden rake to the inside of my throat, but I at least feel like breathing. Here are some random musings from the last few days.

• Flowers really can brighten your day.
• This is the quietest I’ve ever been in my life.
• I want a pizza. With lots of cheese. And some stuffed mushrooms, also with lots of cheese.
• This time off was my first absence from work since Drew took over the Price is Right. I really miss Bob Barker.
  
  


• After watching a LOT of home improvement shows, I’ve decided that I hate wallpaper border. With a passion.
• To make myself feel better during the day, I’ve been watching “A Baby Story” on TLC. When those women start screaming I think, “Whoa, at least I don’t hurt that bad.”
• I’ve decided that I’m going to make a conscious effort to look awesome every day if my throat ever feels better. It’s sort of like a New Throat’s Resolution.
• During the worst part of my pain, I would just lie in bed like a stiff board. Matt said I looked like I was training for the Olympic Luge. Here I come, 2010 Games, I’m even lighter without my tonsils!
  



• I’ve had two dreams about barbeque sauce.
• Who created Slurpees? If I ever meet them, I will kiss them.
• I’m tired of soup.
• Talking on the phone has never been less appealing.
• When I get into awkward situations from now on, I’m going to take off my glasses and stare at people just like Horatio on CSI: Miami. I like his style.




• I’ve decided that Matt and I really need to get a puppy. Let’s see if Matt’s on board.
• I’m even better at Jeopardy on hydrocodone—at least I think I am. Watch out, Trebeck.
• Supernanny and Clean House are fabulous shows. I just can’t get enough.
• I’ve never been so afraid of brushing my teeth.
• For the first time in my life, I couldn’t finish a Pei Wei kids meal.
• I like the new IKEA and Pampers commercials. On the other hand, I can’t believe Jon D’Angelo is running the same commercial in the same midday programming that he ran when I was in high school. I want to have a meeting with him to discuss creative rotation.

Thank you to all of my friends and family that have checked on me and taken care of me in the past few days. Although this has been a terrible experience, one thing's for sure: I've never felt more loved.

You know you're getting married in three days when...

• every song you hear on the radio is promptly written down on the "remember to play at the reception list"
• you have your mom spray-painting an amazing amount of wicker baskets every night in the back yard
• you and your fiance have lengthy discussions about whether the glasses in your cabinets should face up or down -- do you risk getting dust into the cups, or take a chance on having your lips theoretically touch the cabinet surface?
• you have a list for your lists
• you have become (unfortunately) unresponsive to all communication except if it is a wedding-related emergency
• your once meticulous categorical packing and box labeling turns into "tank tops and figurines"
• you don't wear your tennis shoes to move because you've already packed them for the honeymoon and you just can't fathom pulling them out of your suitcase, which seems like it is the one thing that's ready to go
• writing thank you notes becomes your "sweet release" from the madness
• you realize you can fit more into a Mazda RX-8 than most people could fit into a moving van
• you feel a constant burn in your thighs from moving to a third floor apartment, which seemed like a really good idea when you signed the lease
• your parents dining room table has been transformed into a "wedding war zone" covered in bubbles, lace, blue ribbons, bows, etc.
• you are tempted to wear your wedding dress around the house each day because the thought of only wearing it once is seriously depressing
• you vow that for the rest of your life you will RSVP as soon as you receive any invitation. Seriously, ever.
• for the next two days, you will have relatives of some sort in the airport almost constantly
• you think that your bridesmaids are superheroes
• the song "Going to the Chapel" has become unnecessarily irritating
• you wonder if your charge card is going to burst into flames if you use it one more time
• you finally understand what the term "Bridezilla" means when your reception venue tells you that they don't have white linens, even though that's not what they told you a month ago
• you listen to the song "All the Single Ladies" on an almost non-stop loop because you know that you will feel strangely odd about dancing to it after the wedding
• you start counting how many times people ask you "so when are you going to have kids?" even though you are not even married yet!
• the only time you get on facebook is for work
• your grandmother professes that she is "best friends with the FedEx man"

Happy Almost Wedding to Us!